To her own reflection she said, " I will be strong!"

Yesterday was a rough day for me. It was one of those I can't take one more thing on my shoulders or I will explode!! Clinicals, homework, tests, reading, kids, traffic, classmate dynamics, and dinner...I had just had my fill for one day. I came home and I had a splitting headache and was in a terrible mood. I soon realized that since my husband is gone this week that there was no one there to give me a break to take some time for myself to regroup. The baby was cranky, the older two were doing the usual avoidance of chores and homework. I didn't get home until after five from clinicals and dinner had to be made in the midst of helping with homework, calming the baby, and then the phone rings too. My poor sister got the brunt of it. I just ranted to her for about a half hour. I just needed to get some of it off my chest. Not that it really helped in the end. The day was just a terrible one.....

So the reason for this blog is because today I came to the realization that I am a very strong woman. I know this, I have known this. Yesterday just made me think. If someone like me can get that overwhelmed with things, what does someone that is not strong do?
It made me think of all the military wives, the single Moms, and the list goes on and on. How do they cope when life gets to be too much for them? I know we all have a degree of strength in us, but for some of us it is harder to find the strength to go on. I just sat here today after finishing another pharm. quiz and felt so thankful that I am strong. Yes, as yesterday showed me, I am able to get back up after being knocked down, but I just wonder how many hits can you take before you too are not strong enough to get back up??
This year is going to be a rough one and I just pray that I have the strength to fight through it!!
Thanks for listening...well reading my venting for the day :)

.....

A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own.
~Thomas Mann

For those of you who don't know me you will have no clue why the random quote. People amaze me sometimes and not in a good way. How is it that we have become such bitter souls that we treat someone so cruelly in their time of need?

Blog Tagged

Stella Blog Tagged me!

One Word Answers:
Yourself: frumpy
Your Partner: Intelligent
Your Hair: dishwater
Your Mother: Misunderstood
Your Father: Missed
Your Favorite Item: Camera
Your Dream Last Night: forgotten
Your Favorite Drink: dietCoke
Your Dream Car: none
Your Dream Home: Hawaii
The Room You Are In: playroom
Your Fear: divorce
You Want To Be In 10 Years: content
Who You Hung Out With Last Night: Kids
Your Not: Skinny
One Of Your Wishlist Items: hardfloorcleaner :)
The Last Thing You Did: dirtydiaper
You Are Wearing: PJ's
Your Favorite Weather: Spring
Your Favorite Book: Bible
Last Thing You Ate: Cereal
Your life: stressful
Your Mood: lazy
Your Best Friend: Ryan
What Are You Thinking About Right Now: Flees
Your Car: Blue
What Are You Doing At The Moment: typing
Relationship Status: frustrated
What Is On Your TV: Voodoovince
What Is The Weather Like: Calm
When Is The Last Time You Laughed: Yesterday

Okay now I get to tag two people: Kelly Jean, and Kim

Everyone is a comedian

Okay, so I took little miss to the doctors office today. I brought Aiden along. The PA student comes in and starts asking questions. Aiden then decides it is show time...he loves to get a laugh!! First he says, " Mommy, Daddy lets his boobies hang out when he goes to bed, he doesn't wear a shirt." We all laugh....bad IDEA!! Then he proceeds to say, " ANd you let your boobies hang out too!" Nice, real nice AIDEN!! I must have turned a nice shade of red. First off, I would rather not talk about my boobies. Second, it is totally NOT true and he was just trying to get the "doc" to laugh at his silliness. He succeeded!! Just wanted to share my lovely embarrassment today thanks to my three year old.

That special box of tissues, moving the car that night and forgetting we did it, waiting for you to finally get ready (when we were supposed to be there an hour ago), having Devin pinch my butt for the millionth time, water bras, making those Halloween costumes that one year, and the list could go on and on of things that I think of when I am thinking of you. I miss you girl.

I am having one of those nights where I am tired of being all alone. YES, I know I have four kids, but only two of them are home and being lonely is possible even when you have kids. If you have kids you know what I mean.

My best friend lives back in NY and I miss her like crazy. We always had such good times together and no matter how long we have been apart when we see each other again it is just like we just saw each other yesterday. It took me many years to find a true friend. I had my fair share of "fair weather friends," and it took me meeting Miss Kelly O to realize how crappy they really were. She was the one I could call when someone broke my heart, when I was bored, when I was just silly, and when I just needed to vent. I could call her anytime!

Prime example, the year her Mother passed away from Breast Cancer I was going through a rough time . She had just lost her mother like a month prior and was still in a bit of denial I think. I had only seen her cry like once over it and she loved her mother so very much. She called me one night and as soon as she heard my voice she realized something was wrong...even though I tried my best to deny it. She asked me if I needed her to come over? I, of course, said, "No, I am fine...really." I am not one for letting people see me upset. Next thing I know there are headlights coming up my driveway. Sure enough here comes Kelly (yes her name is Kelly too) and she comes to the door with a box of Kleenex in hand ready to make it all go away or let me cry it out!! I told her she was amazing that she is dealing with SO much more than I am and that I should be the one over with her bringing the Kleenex. She just sits with me and listens to my drama and makes me laugh. I have NEVER had a friend drop everything and come over to make sure I am okay (I am tearing up thinking about it...dang you Kelly!!).
So tonight I am missing her and also wishing that I could make a friend to share some good times with. I don't want to replace her, that I NEVER could and I don't mean ANY disrespect to the girls that have been amazing friends to me since I have moved to CO and I am thankful everyday for you guys. I just mean it is nice to have that one friend that is "YOUR" best friend.

You know the one that you trust with your secrets...the ones you REALLY don't want shared, the one that runs to the store with you, comes over to just hang out at your house with you on a boring Saturday night, the one that you call when you have good news, the one you call to vent to when you and your hubby fight, and you know she will ALWAYS be on your side (even if your wrong), the one that your kids treat like their second mother....I know you know the kind.

Okay, so this one is getting extremely long...sorry.
I miss you Kelly and hopefully some time soon I can get back to NY to see you. I want to hold that new baby boy and see how big Devin has gotten, but most of all I just want to see you and share some much needed laughs with you.

Garage sale sign thieves

Okay, so I had a garage sale today to get rid of my crap (I mean wonderful belongings worth lots of $) and I barely had anyone come. So I figured it was cause' I live in the sticks, but NO it was because this place called Oakwood pulled my signs down and put their signs up in their place!! Can you believe that? Is this normal practice? I couldn't believe they did that. So I sat here all day with like maybe 10 people showing up and most of them were just from my neighborhood. So to you jerks at Oakwood....YOU SUCK!

Shout out to Miss Stella, thanks for coming to keep me company for a bit today! I was going nutzo sitting here all dang day.

Textbooks robbery

So I am in a bitchy mood today. Mainly over buying EIGHT nursing textbooks. Now these eight books are not for a bunch of my classes, they are for ONE class. When I went to buy them today I about strangled the lady at the register (even though it is NOT NOT NOT her fault) when she told me my total was $390.86. I mean WTF, why the hell do I need 8 books to teach me one class. Did I mention this class is one I already took at BSU before I moved to CO? Yes, the joys of transferring from one college to another. I am so tired of the colleges getting rich off of me. I will never become an RN at this rate. I have spent the past two years "jumping through hoops" for them. I am just now being able to start the actual nursing classes.

I did, however, go online to half.com and look up all these books and found them for about $100 less. Yes, I am totally going to return these books to the bookstore and get my money back. I am already paying this crappy college plenty for the classes I am NOT going to let them rob me of my money for their over priced textbooks.

Moral of this bitchy story....hug a nurse!! BECAUSE you would not image what we have to go through to get our education. If you ever wonder why there is a shortage of nurses it is because of the way the colleges treat us!! So today I am hating college and wishing that I had my RN already. Another moral to my story...use half.com if you ever need cheaper textbooks!!
Okay, my bitch-fest is done!!

What is it about standing up?

11:30 pm., 12:15 pm., 1:30 am., 2:40 am.,.....and on and on until the break of dawn!! Yes those are roughly the times my groggy grumpy butt was getting up last evening to tend to my youngest daughter. Most of us in this house have been sick for about a week now and last night I think little one started it too :(

She just kept waking up and wouldn't go back to sleep. I tried the "be strong and let her cry it out" routine, I tried the "go in an quickly grab her bottle, refill it, and sneak it back into her" routine, I tried the "pick her up and love her" routine, and I even tried the " hold her and rub her while I tried to get some rest too" routine. The only thing that worked....that ever seems to work was to pace the floor with her.

Why is it when a baby is being fussy and you stand up with them, they are fine. When you sit down it is like an alarm going off. How do they know the second your flabby butt hits the chair? Honestly, it is like they have built in sensors!! I would pace with her a bit, then try to sit down so I could rest and she would wake right back up and the water works would start all over again. All my work in vain just to have a moment where my tush could touch the sofa. Man was I tired and I think times like those, when your getting up and down to make your child happy should count as like 1000 squats, cause' in the middle of the night NO ONE should have to go up and down that many times. So tell me how is they know. Is it an unspoken baby moto? " Never let them sit!! NEVER"

Anyone seen my marbles?

So today I started the day off by giving my phone number to someone. It sounds simple right, just typing seven numbers, but nooooo, not for me. I screwed it up. I think my mind is failing me. I used to feel so together so sure of myself and now lately I feel "scatter brained." I often say the wrong word, misspell things, and many times I just can't even think of simple words to finish a sentence.

Why does this happen. Is it the four kids that are making me crazy, the husband constantly making me worry for his safety, the fact that I am going to be 33 this year, or is it that I am really just a dumb ass?? Does this crap happen to other normal people under say sixty? I know eventually your mind goes, but come on now I am only in my thirties. I surely know it doesn't take long for Father Gravity to come rip, ravish, and pulverize what is left of my body, but can't they at least leave me my mind?

Paper paper everywhere!!

Okay, first off what the hell happened to saving the trees? I was cleaning up the kitchen today and as usual I am fighting through mounds and mounds of paper. I must get two to three credit card letters a day asking me if I want their stupid credit card. I love the ones that say 29.99% interest....what fool would check yes to that one?

So first off, credit card companies stop sending me letters. I DON'T WANT YOUR CREDIT CARDS. I don't want any. I don't want debt.

Second, why the heck doesn't anyone think about the amount of paper they are wasting. I literally just shred them. I don't even read them. What a waste of a tree! Grrr...that makes me so angry. I think if I was rich enough I would forward them all back to them. I would collect them all for the year and send them back in bulk to show them just how much paper they are wasting on me. So Visa, MasterCard, Discover, etc. take me off your list of possible idiots that might want to start mass debt for herself and her family. If I can't buy it with the money I have, I DON'T WANT OR NEED IT!!

PS. Plant a tree for me instead and I might think about considering paying 29.99% to keep it alive!